Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
