I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
