The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
