Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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