Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
