Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
