So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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