Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
