I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
