I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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