That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize