dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
