Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
