now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
