We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want nice things and good sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
