I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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