I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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