mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
