my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
