I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
