So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
