I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
