i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
