I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
