Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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