I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
