so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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