Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
