I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
