What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
