Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
