Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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