so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
