i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
