filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Mom said you looked used
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
