Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize