so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
