I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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