Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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