I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
