It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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