listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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