just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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