is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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