The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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