If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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