the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
