Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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