Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
