Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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