angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He better not be in your backpack
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
