i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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