I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
