im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
