His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
