U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
