matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
