guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
