He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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