omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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