I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
