I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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