I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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