Life is so much better after having sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
