No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
