I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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