On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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