you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
