i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
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Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.