imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.