Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4731) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad. http://tfl.nu/40qb
  Replies (27) Good night (1763) Bad night (7356)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work. http://tfl.nu/ghtv
  Replies (11) Good night (1083) Bad night (4057)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
  Replies (14) Good night (1155) Bad night (5723)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6790) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened http://tfl.nu/r1vr
  Replies (11) Good night (4891) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (4323) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend... http://tfl.nu/o37o
  Replies (15) Good night (5417) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb
  Replies (2) Good night (2092) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best. http://tfl.nu/nsnm
  Replies (4) Good night (2259) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post http://tfl.nu/8lgm
  Replies (17) Good night (2646) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro http://tfl.nu/tuhp
  Replies (9) Good night (1629) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS. http://tfl.nu/mje4
  Replies (0) Good night (1753) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal http://tfl.nu/uo8b
  Replies (1) Good night (181) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating http://tfl.nu/0246
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (153)

Randomize