Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

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  (208): Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible. http://tfl.nu/1gp8
  Replies (27) Good night (2782) Bad night (818)
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  (760): View more from California

  Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.

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  (760): Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros. http://tfl.nu/aucf
  Replies (19) Good night (585) Bad night (3481)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

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  (570): i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me http://tfl.nu/vizy
  Replies (38) Good night (6020) Bad night (751)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (5349)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

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  (703): Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall http://tfl.nu/bqaz
  Replies (60) Good night (7105) Bad night (1141)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

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  (360): I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes http://tfl.nu/v9u0
  Replies (13) Good night (6109) Bad night (1020)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.

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  (505): Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait. http://tfl.nu/lp7a
  Replies (6) Good night (2589) Bad night (615)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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  (509): walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her. http://tfl.nu/knz9
  Replies (9) Good night (5704) Bad night (639)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks

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  (918): All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks http://tfl.nu/j9e3
  Replies (13) Good night (2012) Bad night (497)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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  (+44): She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina. http://tfl.nu/51hz
  Replies (14) Good night (2250) Bad night (523)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS

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  (647): YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS http://tfl.nu/r5xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1039) Bad night (573)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.

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  (610): Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day. http://tfl.nu/k3zd
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (631)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.

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  (216): just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin. http://tfl.nu/vhdg
  Replies (10) Good night (246) Bad night (428)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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  (775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy
  Replies (10) Good night (1207) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.

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  (601): So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking? (1-601): Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity. http://tfl.nu/35ca
  Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (200)

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