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I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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