I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together