I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
