I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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