He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
