I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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