it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
