I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
