I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
