I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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