1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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