I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
